Relaxing the Self

When you take things personally-- or hunger for approval-- what happens?  You suffer.

When you stand apart from other people and the world as "I", you feel separate and vulnerable-- and suffer.

On the other hand, when you relax the subtle sense of contraction at the very nub of "me"-- when you're immersed in the flow of life rather than standing apart from it, when ego and egotism fade to the background-- then you feel more peaceful and fulfilled.

Paradoxically, the less your "I" is here, the happier you are.

When your mind is very quiet, the autobiographical self seems largely absent.

Self is just one part of a person.

We all routinely engage in many mental and physical activities without "I" making them happen.  In fact, often the less self the better, since that improves many kinds of task performance and emotional functioning.

Self depends a lot on the feeling tone of experience.  When the feeling tone is neutral, the self tends to fade into he background.  But as soon as something distinctly pleasant or unpleasant appears, the self mobilizes.

The self also depends greatly on social context.  Walk along casually: often not much sense of self.  But bump into an old acquaintance, and within seconds many parts of the self come online, such as memories of shared experiences-- or wondering how you look.

You don't need to be special.

Relax about what others think.

When you relax the sense of self and flow with life, you feel happy and satisfied.

-- Buddha's Brain, pp. 205-223

New Year's Day class

Rum Guest House poem

Watch what is arising for you: sounds that you hear, sensations that you feel, thoughts, emotions, etc.

Be with whatever comes, even if you don't like it.  We practice being with what comes instead of pushing it down or away.

"This too"

"This is suffering; other people feel it too.  May I be kind" -- Tara Brach

Meditation done at the beginning and end of class:

To paraphrase:

Feel the space that you're in.  Notice the sounds, feel the air, etc.  Take your awareness to the walls, the edges of the space.

Next, take your awareness out into the night.  See what arises.  Your awareness can extend as far as you can imagine.

Return your awareness back to the room, this space that you're in and these people you are with.

Bring your awareness into your body.  Be with what arises.  Watch without reacting.

Awareness doesn't need a subject: doesn't need an "I".  Be awareness.  Be breath.

Rumi-- the Guest House

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,
    translation by Coleman Barks

Mindfulness

Being mindful simply means having good control over your attention: you can place your attention wherever you want and it stays there; when you want to shift it to something else, you can.

Attention is like a spotlight, and what it illuminates streams into your mind and shapes your brain.  Consequently, developing greater control over your attention is perhaps the single most powerful way to reshape your brain and thus your mind.

-- Buddha's Brain, p. 177

Be ruled by your core self

"Shift your allegiance, silently and inwardly.  Stop being ruled by chaos and be ruled by your core self."

-- Deepak Chopra,  excerpted in Yoga Journal from The Future of God
December 2014 issue

Some ways to reduce chaos:

slow down
talk less
reduce multitasking
focus on your breath while doing daily activities
relax into a feeling of calm presence with other people
simplify your life

-- ideas paraphrased from Buddha's Brain, p. 184

Relationship Foundations

When you see another person clearly, sometimes you realize that the relationship   needs to change to match what you can actually count on.  This goes two ways: a relationship that's bigger than its real foundation is a set-up for disappointment and hurt, while a relationship that's smaller than its foundation is a lost opportunity.  In both cases, focus on your own initiative, especially after you've made reasonable efforts to encourage change in the other person.

For example, you usually can't make a coworker stop being dismissive of you, but you can "shrink" the relationship-- so it's closer to the size of its true foundation--by minimizing your contacts with him, doing an excellent job on your own, building up alliances with other people, and arranging for the quality of your work to be seen widely.  Conversely, if there is a large foundation of love in your marriage but your mate is not that emotionally nurturing, you can try to "grow" the relationship on your own by paying particular attention to when he expresses caring through his actions and soaking that into your heart, by drawing him deeper into situations with a culture of warmth (e.g. dinner with friends, certain kinds of live music, meditation group) and perhaps by being more emotionally nurturing yourself.

-- Buddha's Brain, p.152-153

The practice of yoga has a vast, ancient foundation.  We grow our relationship to yoga by practicing.  We grow our relationship to the poses by paying attention, breathing in them, sensing, moving in and out of them slowing, making them our own, etc.

Intentions and Strength

The neuroaxis has two hubs: the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) and the amygdala.  The ACC-based network manages top-down, deliberate, centralized, reasoned motivation, while the amygdala-based network handles bottom-up, reactive, distributed, passionate motivation.

The two networks-- metaphorically the head and the heart-- can support each other, be awkwardly out of sync, or struggle in outright conflict.  Ideally, your intentions will be aligned with each other at all levels of the neuroaxis: that's when they have the most power.

At all levels of the neuroaxis, the intentions-- the goals and related strategies-- at work in your life operated mainly outside of your awareness.

Usually the longer the view, the wiser the intentions.

Strength is often quiet, receptive determination rather than chest-thumping pushiness.

Get in the habit of deliberately calling up a sense of strength-- not to dominate anybody or anything, but to fuel your intentions.

-- from Buddha's Brain, pp. 100-108