No preparation for something else

Our way is not to sit to acquire something; it is to express our true nature.  That is our practice.

If you want to express yourself, your true nature, there should be some natural and appropriate way of expression.  Even swaying right and left as you sit down or get up from zazen is an expression of yourself.  It is not preparation for practice, or relaxation after practice; it is part of the practice.  So we should not do it as if we were preparing for something else.  This should be true in your everyday life.  To cook, or to fix some food, is not preparation, according to Dogen; it is practice.

We should appreciate what we are doing.  There is no preparation for something else.

There is no need to remember what I say; there is no need to understand what I say.  You understand; you have full understanding within yourself.  There is no problem.

-- from Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind p. 53-55

Calmness in activity

Calmness of mind does not mean you should stop your activity.  Real calmness should be found in activity itself.  We say, "It is easy to have calmness in inactivity, it is hard to have calmness in activity, but calmness in activity is true calmness."

I do not feel like speaking after zazen.  I feel the practice of zazen is enough.  But if I must say something I think I would like to talk about how wonderful it is to practice zazen.  Our practice is just to keep this practice forever.  This practice started from beginningless time, and it will continue into an endless future.  Strictly speaking, for a human being there is no other practice than this practice.  There is no other way of life than this way of life.  Zen practice is the direct expression of our true nature.

-- from Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki p. 46-47

Unexciting way of practice

Zen is not something to get excited about.  Some people start to practice Zen just out of curiosity, and they only make themselves busier.  If your practice makes you worse, it is ridiculous.

Our unexciting way of practice may appear to be very negative.  This is not so.  It is a wise and effective way to work on ourselves.  It is just very plain.

When your mind is calm and ordinary, everyday life itself is enlightenment.

-- Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind p. 58-59

Zen mind- breathing

When we inhale, the air comes into the inner world.  When we exhale, the air goes out to the outer world.  The inner world is limitless, and the outer world is also limitless.  We say "inner world" or "outer world", but actually there is just one whole world.  In this limitless world, our throat is like a swinging door.  The air comes in and goes out like someone passing through a swinging door.

When your mind is pure and calm enough to follow this movement, there is nothing: no "I", no world, no mind nor body; just a swinging door.

-- from Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki p. 29

Hiding

Hiding is one of the brilliant and virtuoso practices of almost every part of the natural world: the protective quiet of an icy northern landscape, the held bud of a future summer rose, the snowbound internal pulse of the hibernating bear.  Hiding is underestimated.  We are hidden by life in our mother's womb until we grow and ready ourselves for our first appearance in the lighted world....

What is real is almost always to begin with, hidden, and does not want to be understood by the part of our mind that mistakenly thinks it knows what is happening.  What is precious inside us does not care to be known by the mind in ways that diminish its presence.

Hiding is an act of freedom from the misunderstanding of others.  Hiding is a bid for independence, from others, from mistaken ideas we have about ourselves, from an oppressive and mistaken wish to keep us completely safe, completely ministered to, and therefore completely managed.

Hiding is creative, necessary and beautifully subversive of outside interference and control.  Hiding leaves life to itself, to become more of itself.  Hiding is the radical independence necessary for our emergence into the light of a proper human future.

-- from Consolations, by David Whyte p. 113-115

Help

Help is strangely, something we want to do without, as if the very idea disturbs and blurs the boundaries of our individual endeavors, as if we can not face how much we need in order to go on.  We are born with an absolute necessity for help, grow well only with a continuous succession of extended hands, and as adults depend upon others for our further successes and possibilities in life even as competent individuals.

[As adults] the need for help becomes more subtle, hidden as it is by the illusion that we are suddenly free agents able to survive on our own, the one corner of the universe able to supply its own answers.

To ask for help and to ask for the right kind of help and to feel that it is no less than our due as a live human being; to feel, in effect, that we deserve it, may be the engine of transformation itself.

-- from Consolations, by David Whyte p.107-110

Gratitude

Gratitude is not a passive response to something we have been given, gratitude arises from paying attention, from being awake in the presence of everything that lives within us and without us.  Gratitude is not necessarily something that is shown after the even, it is the deep, a priori state of attention that shows we understand and are equal to the gifted nature of life.

- from Consolations, by David Whyte p. 89

Besieged

Besieged is how most people feel most of the time: by events, by people, by all the necessities of providing, parenting or participating and even by the creative possibilities they have set in motion themselves, and most especially, a success they have achieved through long years of endeavor.

As creatures we define ourselves through belonging or not belonging, we cannot help but make commitments to people, places and things, which then come looking for us.  Conscious or unconscious, we are surrounded not only by the vicissitudes of a difficult world but even more by those of our own making.

If the world will not go away then the great discipline seems to be the ability to make an identity that can live in the midst of everything without feeling beset.  Being besieged ask us to begin the day not with a to do list but a not to do list, a moment outside of the time-bound world in which it can be reordered and reprioritized.  In this space of undoing and silence we create a foundation from which to re-imagine our day and ourselves.  Beginning the daily conversation from a point of view of freedom and being untethered, allows us to re-see ourselves, to reenter the world as if for the first time.

We find that having people knock on our door is as much a privilege as it is a burden; that being seen, being recognized and being wanted by the world and having a place in which to receive everyone and everything, is infinitely preferable to its opposite.

-- from Consolations, by David Whyte p. 27-30

Courage

'Courage' comes from the Norman French, Coeur, or heart.

Courage is the measure of our heartfelt participation with life, with another, with a community, a work; a future.  To be courageous is not necessarily to go anywhere or do anything except to make conscious those things we already feel deeply and then to live the unending vulnerabilities of those consequences.

To be courageous is to seat our feelings deeply in the body and in the world: to live up to and into the necessities of relationships that often already exist, with things we find we already care deeply about: with a person, a future, a possibility in society, or with an unknown that begs us on and always has begged us on.  

To be courageous is to stay close to the way we are made.

-- from Consolations, by David Whyte p.39-40

Rest by David Whyte

Rest is the conversation between what we love to do and how we love to be.

To rest is to give up on worrying and fretting and the sense that there is something wrong with the world unless we are there to put it right; to rest is to fall back literally and figuratively from outer targets and shift the goal not to an inner static bull's eye, an imagined state of perfect stillness, but to an inner state of natural exchange.

We are rested when we let things alone and let ourselves alone, to do what we do best, breathe as the body intended us to breathe, to walk as we were meant to walk, to live with the rhythm of a house and a home, giving and taking through cooking and cleaning.  When we give and take in an easy foundational way we are closest to the authentic self, and closest to that self when we are most rested.

To rest is not self-indulgent, to rest is to prepare to give the best of ourselves, and to perhaps, most importantly, arrive at a place where we are able to understand what we have already been given.

In the first state of rest is the sense of stopping, of giving up on what we have been doing or how we have been being.

-- from Consolations, by David Whyte p. 181-182

Tao Te Ching #2

When people see some things as beautiful,
other things become ugly.
When people see some things as good,
other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.
Difficult and easy support each other.
Long and short define each other.
Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master
acts without doing anything
and teaches without saying anything.
Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she let's them go.
She has but she doesn't possess,
acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever.

Notes:

acts without doing anything:  Her actions are appropriate responses.  Thus they are effortless.  She embodies compassion, yet she doesn't try to be compassionate.  She doesn't struggle to make money, yet she enjoys spending it when it comes to her.  She goes her own way, yet she accepts help gratefully and has no pride in walking alone.  She is not elated by praise, not discouraged by neglect. She doesn't give even a moment's thought to right or wrong.  She never has to make a decision; decisions arise by themselves.  She is like an actress who loves her role.  The Tao is writing the script.
teaches without saying anything:  The way she buys oranges or ties her shoelaces is a teaching.  Her face is more eloquent than any scripture could be.

-- from Stephen Mitchell's translation.  The notes are his.

In the Quiet, I Hear Birds Singing

In the Quiet, I Hear the Birds Singing

            for Suzuki Roshi

In the quiet, I hear the birds singing,

two together, and one alone.

The wind is silver and spiraling.

The frog sits nobly on mossy stone.

I feel at ease.

Each day, I wake into fragrance,

flower-light and fruit-light, freshening

and flourishing inside me.

In the quiet, I listen with a different kind of mind,

nothing is missing-my life

is generous as it is:

a petal on a wave,

a sky changing color,

my reflection as a tree in clear water.

I feel at ease, here.

Like a child lights up when held in love,

I am buoyant and eternal, unafraid

of time.

Yes, in the quiet, I hear the birds singing,

three together, and not one of us, alone.

By Teresa Williams

II by Wendell Berry

I dream of a quiet man
who explains nothing and defends
nothing, but only knows
where the rarest wildflowers
are blooming, and who goes,
and finds that he is smiling
not by his own will.

-- Wendell Berry, from Given p. 70

Poem of the One World

Poem of the One World

This morning

the beautiful white heron

was floating above the water

and then into the sky of this

the one world

we all belong to

where everything

sooner or later

is a part of everything else

which thought made me feel

for a little while

quite beautiful myself.

-- Mary Oliver, from A Thousand Mornings

Beauty quote

Because our present habit of  mind is governed by the calculus of consumerism and busyness, we are less and less frequently available to the exuberance of beauty.

[Beauty] enables us to go with, rather than against, the deepest tendency or theme in the universe.

-- John O'Donahue, from Beauty p. 7

Best season poem

Ten thousand flowers in spring

The moon in autumn, a cool breeze in summer

Snow in winter.

If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary

Things, this is the best season of your life.

- Wu-men

Varanasi, by Mary Oliver

VARANASI

Early in the morning we crossed the ghat,

where fires were still smoldering,

and gazed, with our Western minds, into the Ganges.

A woman was standing in the river up to her waist;

she was lifting handfuls of water and spilling it

over her body, slowly and many times,

as if until there came some moment

of inner satisfaction between her own life and the river’s.

Then she dipped a vessel she had brought with her

and carried it filled with water back across the ghat,

no doubt to refresh some shrine near where she lives,

for this is the holy city of Shiva, maker

of the world, and this is his river.

I can’t say much more, except that it all happened

in silence and peaceful simplicity, and something that felt

like that bliss of a certainty and a life lived

in accordance with that certainty.

I must remember this, I thought, as we fly back

to America.

Pray God I remember this.

_______________________

Mary Oliver
A Thousand Mornings
(Penguin, 2012)

IV., by Wendell Berry

IV.

A man is walking in a field
and everywhere at his feet
in the short grass of April
the small purple violets
are in bloom.  As the man walks
the ground drops away,
the sunlight of day becomes
a sort of darkness in which
the lights of the flowers rise
up around him like
fireflies or stars in a sort
of sky through which he walks.

-- Wendell Berry, from Leavings

Lost, by David Wagoner

"Lost" [by David Wagoner]

Lost

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

-- David Wagoner
(1999)

David Whyte poem

Enough. These few words are enough.

If not these words, this breath.

If not this breath, this sitting here.

This opening to the life

we have refused

again and again

until now.

Until now.

- David Whyte

The 3 Malas

The idea of the 3 malas comes from Tantra Yoga, specifically Kashmir Shivaism.  I first heard of the concept in an Anusara Yoga Teacher Training.  The 3 malas are found on the "Tattva" map, which I don't really understand, but is supposed to be a map of how "Consciousness" splits into everything that is.

This strain of Yoga philosophy believes that we are all pure Consciousness.  We are perfect and whole, but we forget that perfection.  The 3 malas are the 3 ways Consciousness is "veiled"; the ways we feel imperfection.  In my mind it is very much related to the idea of self-esteem.  We could think of it with this metaphor: we are each a crystal clear mirror, but we have layers of dust.  These layers of dust are the malas.  Why do we have them?  Why is Consciousness veiled?  Who knows.  Some say Consciousness is veiled so that we can remember our perfection.  We don't like in our perfection, but we can remember it.

The first mala, the mother of all the malas, is called Anava mala.  It is the feeling that we are not good enough.  We do not measure up.  We could also say it is an over-emphasis on individual self.

I am not good enough.
I am fat.
I am not smart enough.
I am not successful enough.
I am not good-looking enough.

The second mala comes from the first and is called Mayiya mala.  We could say it is an emphasis on others.  We feel separate from others.  We feel as though other people are judging us and noticing our imperfections.  We feel disconnected.  We feel small.  We have forgotten that everything is Consciousness (according to this strain of Yoga) and that we are inseparable from everything else.

"Feeling unworthy goes hand in hand with feeling separate from others, separate from life.  If we are defective, how can we possibly belong?  It's a vicious cycle: the more deficient we feel, the more separate and vulnerable we feel."  from Radical Acceptance, by Tara Brach, p.7

Radical Acceptance is a good source for ideas mentioned in this post.  It is a Buddhist text, but reflects the malas nonetheless.

The third mala is Karma mala, the idea that we are not doing enough.  This is the deep feeling that our self-worth is based on what we accomplish.  It is also the feeling of hopelessness and powerlessness-- like we don't have the power to act-- we're stuck.

The quality of our yoga practice is not a reflection of what we 'do'.  Our goodness as a person is not a reflection of what we 'do'.

"I have enough.  I do enough.  I am enough."  -- source unknown

Apana

Apana is the downward flow of energy.

Apana:

grounds us

calms anxiety

connects us to earth element

slows us down

is cultivated in restorative yoga

Apana moves out on the second part of the exhalation.

It is seated in the colon.

It governs elimination, menstruation, letting go.

The vayus are forms of vata: If a person presents with excess vata, he or she will potentially be quite anxious and fearful.  Without the downward flow of energy, she might present with constipation and amenorrhea.  In even more serious cases, there can be much pain in the abdomen because the energy is stuck and unable to flow down.  Treatments include restorative yoga, relaxation, tea, warm/soothing food, swaddling/wrapping of the body, etc.

Udana

Udana is one of the 5 vayus, or winds, that move through the body.

Udana is the mirror reflection of Prana:

Prana is absorbed from above us and around us; it nourishes us and governs absorption of nutrients.  Prana comes in through the senses and creates the environment for a clear mind.

Udana travels up through the body and heart and comes out of us as self-expression:

voice
writing
livelihood

While prana cultivates the environment for growth and clarity, Udana takes what we've developed and sends it back out into the world as an expression of each of us.

5 Vayus- Prana

The vayus describe the ways in which energy moves though us.

We can translate vayu as "wind"; these are currents that flow through the body.

Prana vayu comes into the body from above us and around us.  It is seated in the head.

Prana vayu governs absorption of nutrition in all forms and is associated with nourishment.

Prana comes in on the first part of the inhalation.

It comes in through all the senses and creates the potential for clear mind.

Certain places and people have more prana than others: the ocean has a huge amount of prana, new babies, forests, the Dalai Lama, etc.  We feel nourished in the presence of prana.

Relaxing the Self

When you take things personally-- or hunger for approval-- what happens?  You suffer.

When you stand apart from other people and the world as "I", you feel separate and vulnerable-- and suffer.

On the other hand, when you relax the subtle sense of contraction at the very nub of "me"-- when you're immersed in the flow of life rather than standing apart from it, when ego and egotism fade to the background-- then you feel more peaceful and fulfilled.

Paradoxically, the less your "I" is here, the happier you are.

When your mind is very quiet, the autobiographical self seems largely absent.

Self is just one part of a person.

We all routinely engage in many mental and physical activities without "I" making them happen.  In fact, often the less self the better, since that improves many kinds of task performance and emotional functioning.

Self depends a lot on the feeling tone of experience.  When the feeling tone is neutral, the self tends to fade into he background.  But as soon as something distinctly pleasant or unpleasant appears, the self mobilizes.

The self also depends greatly on social context.  Walk along casually: often not much sense of self.  But bump into an old acquaintance, and within seconds many parts of the self come online, such as memories of shared experiences-- or wondering how you look.

You don't need to be special.

Relax about what others think.

When you relax the sense of self and flow with life, you feel happy and satisfied.

-- Buddha's Brain, pp. 205-223

New Year's Day class

Rum Guest House poem

Watch what is arising for you: sounds that you hear, sensations that you feel, thoughts, emotions, etc.

Be with whatever comes, even if you don't like it.  We practice being with what comes instead of pushing it down or away.

"This too"

"This is suffering; other people feel it too.  May I be kind" -- Tara Brach

Meditation done at the beginning and end of class:

To paraphrase:

Feel the space that you're in.  Notice the sounds, feel the air, etc.  Take your awareness to the walls, the edges of the space.

Next, take your awareness out into the night.  See what arises.  Your awareness can extend as far as you can imagine.

Return your awareness back to the room, this space that you're in and these people you are with.

Bring your awareness into your body.  Be with what arises.  Watch without reacting.

Awareness doesn't need a subject: doesn't need an "I".  Be awareness.  Be breath.

Rumi-- the Guest House

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,
    translation by Coleman Barks

Mindfulness

Being mindful simply means having good control over your attention: you can place your attention wherever you want and it stays there; when you want to shift it to something else, you can.

Attention is like a spotlight, and what it illuminates streams into your mind and shapes your brain.  Consequently, developing greater control over your attention is perhaps the single most powerful way to reshape your brain and thus your mind.

-- Buddha's Brain, p. 177

Be ruled by your core self

"Shift your allegiance, silently and inwardly.  Stop being ruled by chaos and be ruled by your core self."

-- Deepak Chopra,  excerpted in Yoga Journal from The Future of God
December 2014 issue

Some ways to reduce chaos:

slow down
talk less
reduce multitasking
focus on your breath while doing daily activities
relax into a feeling of calm presence with other people
simplify your life

-- ideas paraphrased from Buddha's Brain, p. 184